Topics of the day:
1. In The News - political, off to lawyers, Rodney King, Buttafuoco,
2. USED CAR <OFF. TO IRAQ (TOO COMPLICATED)>
3. SLUGGO press release <political>
4. SHOPPING AT LUNCHTIME <sexual content, offensive t o women>
5. Oral <grossly SICK; offensive>
6. 50 year old Scotch <mildly offensive>
7. OJ and Christopher Reeves
8. Father and Son
9. Material Things (slightly offensive)
10. Armadillo humor, off to roadkill
11. Dream Wife (off. to women, men; adult; mildly vulgar)
12. Ban DHMO!
13. <No subject given>
14. The Master Programmer <language (f-word)>
15. Happing ending. <adult themes>
16. Humor: cabbies get crabby
17. Too long on line
18. doctors
19. Puritans?
20. Cop Joke <off. to cops>
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 Jun 1995 04:44:53 GMT
From: Ed Lambert <ed.lambert@LIFESCAN.COM>
Subject: In The News - political, off to lawyers, Rodney King, Buttafuoco,
In The News - Excerpts from the LA Times
Includes some late night humor
Reprinted w/o permission
Disclaimer continued: Also off. to OJ Simpson, Heidi Fleiss, LA police
chiefs, smokers, (maybe) women, affirmative action - both sides of the
issue, Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley, and cable guys.
Let's see... a shooting at the White House... Rodney King busted for
drunk driving... Joey Buttafuoco charged with a sex crime... is it time
for summer reruns already?
Rodney King gas been ordered to return to Pennsylvania to stand trial
for drunk driving... the bad news is, Rodney King is driving back.
Joey Buttafuoco says his arrest was just a misunderstanding. He thought
the officer was a junior high school student.
Heidi Fleiss was sentenced to prison on pandering charges. She says she
is appealing. I don't think so, but did you see some of her girls?
Las Vegas has announced thier new summer rates. Most resorts have
weekday specials, and kids and LA police chiefs stay free.
Philip Morris is recalling cigarettes because a potentially harmful
insecticide has found its way into the normal cancer causing
ingredients. Some smokers said the dizziness gave their coughing spells
a party like quality.
A White House report defends racial and gender hiring quotas.
Republicans counter that it's experience and qualification that counts
in hiring. They don't care if the man is Anglo or Saxon.
The pedestrian mall on Pennsylvania Avenue in front of the White House
has a theme park like atmosphere. There's even a sign on the fence: "The
next gunfight is at 4 p.m."
A woman was saved from a collapsed lung by a mid-air surgery performed
with a coat hanger. Thanks to her frequent flier program, 3,000 more
miles and she'll get a free appendectomy.
Objecting to a question posed by Barry Scheck, Marcia Clark referred to
"any lawyer with half a brain". Judge Lance Ito sustained Johnnie
Cochran's objection that the term was redundant.
According to the latest poll, 61% of Americans think OJ did it. The
other 39% don't think.
The author of KAto Kaelin's book claims that Kato thinks OJ is guilty. I
find that hard to believe... I mean, Kato... THIKNING?
The Republican National Committee has taken legal action against makers
of "Contract With America" underwear. The company does plan to go ahead
with it's OJ undies, including seven briefs with an alibi for each day
of the week.
A tabloid report claims that Marcia Clark ended a romance with Alan
Greisman. They just weren't a good match, according to two different
labs.
Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presely celebrated their first wedding
anniversary. Can you believe they made it a year? Sudden'y, OJ's 1 in
170 million doesn't seem like such a long shot.
Saturday Night Live's Chris Farley is starring in a new movie, "Cable
Guy". They promise a premiere next month, sometime between 11 a.m. and
5 p.m.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 7 Jun 1915 13:21:46 LCL
From: BEN SHAUL <UO516@IBMVM.HAI.IEC.CO.IL>
Subject: USED CAR <OFF. TO IRAQ (TOO COMPLICATED)>
========SYS.LIMIT,UPERR CASE========
HI MICHAEL,
THE SAME FARMER FROM KENTUCKY VISIT HIS NEIGHBOR.THE NEIGHBOR
TOOK HIM TO SEE THE FARM "YOU SEE,MY FARM GO'S FROM THAT TREE ALL
THE WAY TO THE FARTHEST TREE".
"OH" SAY THE FARMER "FOR CIRCULATE MY FARM, I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY
IN THE MORNING,ENTER MY CAR AND DRIVE ALL DAY LONG".
"OH" SAY THE NEIGHBOR "I HAD A CAR JUST LIKE THIS"
===============================================================
SORRY,SYS.LIMIT,MAY BE IN UPPER CASE.NOT OFFENSIVE OR SHOUTING!
===============================================================
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 Jun 1995 06:24:08 -0400
From: Imre Kertesz III <Ikertes@AOL.COM>
Subject: SLUGGO press release <political>
DISCLAIMER:
SLUGGO NEWS BRIEFS is a parody of daily international news.
Every person, government, religion, etc. that makes headlines
is a target. I don't discriminate. SLUGGO NEWS can be
offensive; there are too many topics to provide individual
disclaimers. I welcome any suggestions, input, or criticism.
_____________________________________________________
SLUGGO NEWS BRIEFS by The Newsguy v12
HIGHLIGHTS
1. (HAITI) The Haitian parliament is seriously considering
nominating the galvanized steel bucket filled with fish as
president in the coming election. Members of the Revolutionary
Front for the Promotion of Idiocy of Haiti (FRAIH) recommended
their nominee last week in objection to reinstatement of
Francois Aristide, who was too busy complaining to comment.
FRIAH leader Emmanuel Wing-Bang Whump Whump Nugget Noodle
Francois said that the galvanized steel bucket filled with
fish, who they refer to as "Mr. Naughty", is looking forward
to the leadership position pending outcome of the parliament's
decision. President of the Senate, Firmin Jean-Louis, said
that none of the other nominees are as qualified as Mr. Naughty
and reinstatement of President Aristide would only be done as a
last resort. (BLOATERS - 12 OCT)
2. (RUSSIA) Russia's Foreign Intelligence Service, in an unusual
move just a week before a Russian-U.S. Summit, emptied several
boxes full of Australian scissor locusts in the Kremlin. In a
public report unveiled by Chief Yevgeny Primakov, the
intelligence service said the little creatures were unhappy in
the boxes and wanted to be let out. Though denied by Primakov,
the highly destructive insects will increase their number by a
factor of 10 within a month. Bewildered at why his intelligence
chief would make such an unusual move at this critical juncture
of negotiations, President Yeltsin kicked Primakov in the groin
repeatedly. -SLUG, 12 Oct-
3. (PAKISTAN) Pakistan signed an agreement with Russia on 7
October to buy three Russian submarines at a total cost of $950
million. Pakistan signed a memorandum of understanding for the
nuclear submarines after considering bids from other producers
in Britain, China and Sweden. According to the agreement, the
subs are fully manned with trained crews and complete weapon
systems already on board. The agreement, however, said nothing
of the fact that the three subs are, and have been sitting on
the ocean floor off the coast of Norway for the past 10 years.
Pakistani officials complained but their Russian counterparts
claim the contract is valid. -BLUT, 12 Oct-
CAPSULES
1. (USA) CIA Chief James Woolsey has demoted two senior
officials for honoring a former top CIA official in Moscow after
the official was reprimanded for laxity in the worst known case
of Soviet infiltration, the New York Times reported in Thursday
editions. The demoted husband and wife team are filing grievance
claiming they were not at fault. Angry, yet composed over the
demotion, Mr. B. Batinov commented that he and his wife were not
at fault and were perhaps set up. "Must get moose and squirrel",
he quoted to reporters on Tuesday. -SLUG, 12 Oct-
2. (WASHINGTON) In a press conference held Wednesday, Vice
President Al Gore, in an attempt to prove to the press that
he was, in fact, more intelligent than the previous VP,
answered questions involving matters of state. A surprise
question surfaced when a Harvard professor asked Mr. Gore to
spell potato. With only a few seconds of hesitation, he
spelled potato correctly but reports indicate the VP was
reading from a cue card held by a secret service agent
standing behind the professor. -PU, 12 Oct-
3.(USA) Air Force officers aboard a radar plane could have
averted the needless squandering of the lives of the crew
and passengers aboard two U.S. helicopters over Iraq if
they had not been classifying every aircraft in the area as
an Iraqi Hind attack helicopter. The 2 F-15 pilots involved
in the incident nearly shot themselves down before they
realized they were not flying Hinds themselves.
-CLANK, 12 OCT-
4. (CZECH REPUBLIC) Czech President Vaclav Havel on 12 October
sacked his much maligned Defense Minister Antonin Baudys, after
a "no testicular fortitude" vote by the Minister's own party
earlier this week. Baudys struggled for hours in an effort to
escape from the sack but it was firmly secured with a padlock.
-SLUG, 21 Sep-
TRAVEL
1. U.S. ENVOY DENNIS ROSS arrived in Israel on 12 October
after meeting with SYRIAN PRESIDENT HAFEZ ASSAD in an effort to
keep up the momentum toward a peace agreement created in a vacuum
packed jar coated with a toxic resin.
2. BRITISH PRIME MINISTER JOHN MAJOR arrived in South Africa on
12 October for the start of a 3 day visit wearing his
traditional white hood.
3. RUSSIAN PRESIDENT BORIS YELTSIN left for Moscow on 11 October
flatulent and vulgar after vacationing in Kentucky.
______________________________________________________
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 Jun 1995 06:59:38 EDT
From: Donald E Chesnel <dec_c967@NS01.PORTS.NAVY.MIL>
Subject: SHOPPING AT LUNCHTIME <sexual content, offensive t o women>
Bill walked in to the sex shop to see his friend Mike who owned the place.
It was around noon and Mike asked Bill if he would mind watching the store
while he went to lunch.
Bill said he wouldn't mind, but he didn't know what to do if a customer
came in. Mike told Bill that it would be easy, "Usually, my only customers at
lunchtime are women. Normally, the only thing they ever buy are dildos. They
are on the shelf in back of the counter. The black ones are $35.00 and the
white ones are $25.00. With that, Mike left for lunch.
Around ten minutes later, a woman comes in the store, browses for a few
minutes and then approaches Bill. She asks if there are any dildos for sale
and Bill points to the shelf. The woman looks the goods over and buys a black
dildo. Five minutes later another woman comes in, goes through the same
routine and buys a white dildo.
Fifteen minutes goes by and another woman comes in, goes straight to Bill
at the counter and asks about dildos. Bill points to the shelf. As the woman
scans the merchandise, her eyes grow very wide when she gets to a certain
point on the shelf. After quite a while, the woman says to Bill, "How much is
that green and silver one"? Bill looks at the shelf and after a few minutes
tells her the price is $50.00. The woman pays him the money and leaves.
About that time, Mike comes back from lunch. He asks Bill if there were any
problems. Bill says, "No, not really. It was just about like you said - women
coming in and buying dildos. I sold a black one for $35.00, a white one for
$25.00 ------- and I sold your THERMOS for $50.00!
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 Jun 1995 09:17:09 -0400
From: Lee Bradley <lbradley@GRITS.VALDOSTA.PEACHNET.EDU>
Subject: Oral <grossly SICK; offensive>
This young wife was in an accident, and the doctors were able to save her
life, but she remained in an inert state for a long time afterwards.
Finally, they decide to try unorthodox measures to stimulate her back
to life. They call in the husband. "We believe, sir, that we have tried
everything known to medical science in order to stimulate your wife back
to consciousness. We have decided that oral sex may do the trick. Would
you please go into her room and see if that works. We will not observe,
but we will monitor the EEG, EKG, etc." The guy goes in, and sure enough,
the little wave machines start to jitter a bit and pick up activity, and
suddenly, after a surge of activity on the graphs, everything is
FLAT LINE! TOTALLY FLAT LINE!
The doctors rush in shouting, "What happened? Everything was going so well."
"I dunno," said the hubby, "I guess she choked."
On Tue, 6 Jun 1995, Bob Terry wrote:
> I just received this letter ... from Cuba!
>
> Dear Sir,
> I would like you to send me the publication you publish (Dimension)
> from those samples that you may have for free distribution because I don't
> have international currency to afford it.
> Besides, I shall be very pleased if you keep on sending me the
> journal in question. Please, don't feel uncomfortable if you can't fulfill
> my wishes. I would understand your situation.
> As we are lack of printed materials concerning the teaching of
> English as a FL or SL I will appreciate very much your sending me any other
> material which you consider will be helpful for my work of teaching English.
> Truly yours,
>
> Cristobal Moreira Jimenez
> Marti 89
> c/o Cerices y Villuendas
> Palmira 57300
> Cienfugos, Cuba
>
> I think this would be superb if we have any back copies we can send this
> man. Why not? So it will cost a small bit for mailing, but we will certainly
> be helping him out. Ain't that what we're about??
>
> Bob
> ______________________________________________________________
>
> Robert M. Terry
> Box 25
> University of Richmond
> 28 Westhampton Way
> University of Richmond, VA 23173-0025
>
> (804) 289-8117 [w] (804) 287-6446 [fax]
> (804) 740-0862 [h]
>
>
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 Jun 1995 09:18:25 CST
From: Jeffrey Starke <Jeffrey_Starke_at_pjc-main@SMTPLINK.PJC.CC.FL.US>
Subject: 50 year old Scotch <mildly offensive>
This man went into a bar to order a drink.
He told the bartender he wanted 50 Year old Scotch.
The bartender went downstairs and got him 5 Year old Scotch,
thinking he'll never know the difference.
The man said this is 5 Year old Scotch. I wanted 50 Year old scotch.
The bartender went down stairs and got him 10 Year old scotch.
The man said this is 10 Year old scotch. I wanted 50 Year old scotch.
The bartender started to wonder and got him 25 Year old scotch.
The man said this is 25 Year old scotch. I wanted 50 Year old scotch.
The bartender said I better get him 50 Year old scotch.
The man said now this is what I wanted.
Some people had observed this from the corner and brought the man a drink
He tasted it and spit it out..
He said this is piss. ((("piss" is slang for urine)))
The man said, "yeah and can you guess how old I am???"
-------:-)keep smiling:-)--------
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 Jun 1995 10:17:32 EDT
From: Brian McInturff <turf@GELAC.LASC.LOCKHEED.COM>
Subject: OJ and Christopher Reeves
Q: What's the difference between Christopher Reeves and OJ?
A: OJ's going to walk.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 Jun 1995 08:12:00 PDT
From: "Mark S. Hutchenreuther" <mshutch@SUNED1.NSWSES.NAVY.MIL>
Subject: Father and Son
(This was on the radio, so it couldn't be THAT offensive.)
A father walks into his son's bedroom and catches him masturbating with one
of those magazines. "Son," he says, "If you keep doing that, you'll go blind."
"Dad," replied his son, "I'm over here."
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 Jun 1995 11:30:04 EDT
From: Deanna Knight <DLKNIGHT@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU>
Subject: Material Things (slightly offensive)
Jones, returning from a business trip, was surprised to find his wife in
bed with a strange man. The stranger, nude and obviously well satisfied,
was sprawled over the bed.
"Why, you rotten bastard!" the husband exploded.
"Wait, darling," said Mrs. Jones. "You know that fur coat I got last
winter. This man gave it to me. Remember the diamond necklace you like
so much. This man gave it to me. And remember when you couldn't afford a
second car and I got a Toyota? This man gave it to me."
"For heaven's sake, it's drafty here!" shouted the husband, "cover him so
he doesn't catch cold!"
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 Jun 1995 11:12:52 -0500
From: George Avery <GHAVERY@UALR.EDU>
Subject: Armadillo humor, off to roadkill
Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To show the armadillo that it could be done!
{For New Yorkers and other foreigners, an armadillo is a small mammal that
is notorious in the south for wandering into traffic and becoming "one" with
the pavement}
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 Jun 1995 14:06:43 -0400
From: Phil Glowatz <AssessNet@AOL.COM>
Subject: Dream Wife (off. to women, men; adult; mildly vulgar)
MY DREAM WIFE
I want a wife who's very bright, but who will think I'm a genius, so she'll
value my opinion on things I know nothing about. And she'll make a lot of
money, but not more than I do.
And even though she'll work, the house and kids will be her job, and I'll
mostly just sit around the house scratching my balls, like an ape.
When I'm not scratching my balls, I'll be eating potato chips in the living
room, but she'll be glad to vacuum up the crumbs, and she'll think it's nice
I still have the "little boy" in me.
She won't mind me farting and belching all the time, yet she, herself, will
never fart or belch.
My wife won't mind my loud, obnoxious, belching friends, and she'll even get
these pigs dates with her friends.
I'll always be the one to drive the family car, and she'll let me drive like
a maniac and put our lives in danger.
She'll love going to every stupid, macho "action movie" made, but I won't
have to go see "women's movies," or anything with Shirley MacLaine in it.
She'll never ask me to talk deeply about our relationship, because she'll
know I don't have a clue, just like all real men.
I'll be in charge of all the remote controls in the house, and she'll let me
watch sports every night, and all day on weekends.
She'll let me drink until I pass out, as often as I want, and she'll buy my
bullshit story that I drink "just for fun," and that I'm totally in control
and can stop at any time.
She'll want sex constantly, except when I drink and pass out, and then she
won't complain about cleaning up vomit, and she'll think passing out makes me
a "real man."
In fact, the only chore I'll have is taking out the garbage, and most of it
will be the stuff she cleaned up after me.
In short, I want a woman who will be like a mother to me, except for the sex
part, in which case she'll be like a whore.
And, of course, most importantly, she has to have big tits.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 Jun 1995 11:33:00 PDT
From: "Jeff Rollosson Halbhuber (Star" <jeffrh@STARWAVE.COM>
Subject: Ban DHMO!
[forwards paid-off in huge conspiracy]
BAN DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE!
THE INVISIBLE KILLER
Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills
uncounted thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by
accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not
end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage.
Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating and urination, and
possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance.
For those who have become dependent, DHMO withdrawal means certain death.
Dihydrogen monoxide:
* is also known as hydric acid, and is the major component of acid
rain.
* contributes to the "greenhouse effect."
* may cause severe burns.
* contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.
* accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals.
* may cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of
automobile brakes.
* has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer patients.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 Jun 1995 16:08:30 -0400
From: Jim Moser <MOSER.J.E%wec@DIALCOM.TYMNET.COM>
Subject: <No subject given>
Subject: Most common redneck last words <off. to rednecks>
Que: What are the most common redneck last words?
Aye: "Hey y'all, watch iss!"
............
Que: What are the 2nd most common redneck last words?
Aye: "Naw, I think I can make it."
.........
re: country song titles.
I haven't seen this one yet: "I've got tears in my ears from lying on my
back crying over you."
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 Jun 1995 17:12:48 -0400
From: darkon@IAC.NET
Subject: The Master Programmer <language (f-word)>
Computer humor... Also possibly offensive to some for religious reasons.
Once upon a time there was a Master Programmer who created three
intelligent processes. He started all these processes up with no
information about the world. After a while he came back to the
processes. The first process printed out, "I think, therefore I am,"
and continued deriving philosophy from first principles. The Master
Programmer looked on the first process and saw that it was good
(although he made a note to himself that the next process He wrote
wouldn't fall into the Cartesian Circle). The second process printed
"I don't believe in the Master Programmer. Fuck the Master
Programmer." The Master Programmer laughed and watched the
process evolve its ideas. Finally, the Master Programmer looked at
the third process. The third process was printing "I love the Master
Programmer. I love the Master Programmer. I love the Master
Programmer..." over and over. The Master Programmer could see
that this process was caught in an infinite loop, so He deleted it.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 Jun 1995 16:14:34 EDT
From: MR LYLE J KINNAMAN <FVKM43A@PRODIGY.COM>
Subject: Happing ending. <adult themes>
It was Saturday night and Superman wanted to party. He phoned Batman
but he said Robin was sick and he had to stay home and take care of
him. Superman decided to fly over to Wonder Woman's house and see what
was going on over there. He landed on her balcony, looked in the
bedroom window and saw her lying on her back on the bed. She was naked
and had her legs apart. "Hey," he thought to himself, "I'm faster than
a speeding bullet. I can fly in there, have sex with her and be gone
before she knows it." He does it but something startles Wonder Woman
and she says, "Did you hear something?" "No," says the Invisible Man,
"but my rear end is killing me." Lyle's Joke Boutique.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 Jun 1995 18:21:31 EDT
From: Bill <BEDWARDS@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU>
Subject: Humor: cabbies get crabby
Not long ago, when a fare leaned over to begin the predictable
friendly inquiries, one <New York taxicab> driver wordlessly
handed back a yellow flyer. Decorated at top and bottom with
miniature whizzing taxis and a checkered stripe, it read:
NOW YOU CAN SPEAK TO A
REAL CAB DRIVER
CALL 1-900-346-TAXI
A LIVE PRESON WILL ANSWER
You can ask him/her any of these questions:
*Where are you from?
*How long have you been driving a cab?
*What kind of a name is that?
*Why did you come to this country?
*How many hours do you work?
*How much do you make?
*Why are you doing this?
*What would you rather be doing?
--or make up your own questions.
DON'T DELAY! BE SATISFIED TODAY!
A REAL CABBIE IS WAITING
TO ANSWER YOU.
<The number is phony> Talk of the Town (p. 38), The New Yorker,
12 June 1995.
Bill Edwards, HUMOR listowner, BEDWARDS@UGA.BITNET (uga.cc.uga.edu)
=====================================================================
To leave HUMOR send LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SIGNOFF HUMOR
To subscribe send LISTSERV@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU the command SUB HUMOR Call-
name FamilyName. A command goes in the 1st line of the message field.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 Jun 1995 20:31:39 -0400
From: Larry Scott <scott@BUFFNET.NET>
Subject: Too long on line
You know you've been on-line too long when:
...You think an obituary says a funeral will be followed by the
"Internet" in a cemetery.
...Someone says she put on net stockings, and you wonder if
they're made out of World Wide Web.
...You ask a friend, "What's that big shiny thing?" He says, "It's
the sun.
...You think Webster's Dictionary is a directory of WEB sites.
...You think rec room is a new newsgroup.
...When asked for your address on a form, you put @compuserve.com.
...When using your phone you forget that you don't _have_ to use
your keyboard.
...You see a mosaic display at the art gallery and wonder how to
access it without a mouse.
...You think Edgar Alan Poe wrote "The Pit and the Pentium."
...Someone slips a disk, and you offer to format him another one.
...You think "intelligent" means a refined computer user.
...Your boss asks you to "go fer" coffee and you come up with 235
FTP sites.
Thanks to Nancy Carson <nancy.carson@f1571.n363.z1.fidonet.org>
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 Jun 1995 22:07:12 EDT
From: Ann Dellarocco <anndell@RDZ.STJOHNS.EDU>
Subject: doctors
Date: 6/7/95
From: Ann Dellarocco (anndell@rdz.stjohns.edu)
Subject: doctors - clean
Patient: Well, doc, you sure kept your promise when you said
you would have me walking again in a month.
Doctor: Well, well, that is fine.
Patient: Yes, I had to sell my car when I got your bill.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 Jun 1995 22:36:51 -0400
From: "Aditya, The Hindu Skeptic" <a018967t@BCFREENET.SEFLIN.LIB.FL.US>
Subject: Puritans?
"Well, why did the Puritans come to this country?" a teacher asked his
history class. "To worship in their own way and to make other people do
the same," was the reply.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 Jun 1995 22:58:33 -0400
From: Mike Kidulich <MJKidulich@AOL.COM>
Subject: Cop Joke <off. to cops>
First, a correction to yesterdays post (Training):
Replace "DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY TRAINING" with "DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY
PROGRAMMING". It makes more sense that way.
And now todays joke:
This was told to me by a cop:
A cop stops a guy for speeding. The guy pulls over, and the cop gets out of
his car, walks up to the car he stopped, and taps on the window. As soon as
the driver rolls down the window, the cop smacks him with his billy club.
"Thats for not having your window down when I walked up. Now, get your
license out, *now*!" The driver, badly shaken, fumbles for his wallet and
attempts to get his license out. The cop hits him again, and says, "Thats for
taking too long!". The guy says, "OK, OK, heres my license." The cop says
"Don't move." After he runs the check, he comes back, and gives the guy his
license and the ticket, smacks him with the club once more for good measure,
and says "Don't leave yet." He walks around to the passenger side, and taps
on the window. The passenger, who hasn't said a word through the entire
episode, rolls down his window. POW! The cop clobbers him with the club. The
guy says, "OW! What was that for? I didn't do anything!" The cop says, "I
know how you assholes think. As soon as you guys pull away, you would have
said, "I wish that S.O.B. would have hit me like that!"
An ounce of theory is worth an ounce of theory (maybe).
------------------------------
End of HUMOR Digest - 6 Jun 1995 to 7 Jun 1995
**********************************************